Justice, Internet Style

I love my wife. But I'm starting to wonder openly whether she loves me. What woman would go back on her word and deprive a man of his lifelong dream of owning a dog? The man-dog bond is a special one—even a primal one.

Buying a house, however, is usually a woman's dream. I got it. I knew if we went through with it, it would be years before I could afford another PS3 game or even a whiffle ball. My life would be over. So my counteroffer was that if we buy a house, I finally get to have a dog. I didn't care what kind of dog (anything except a Yorkie). I just wanted another being in the family that would always take my side in case I wanted to do something brashly male like turn the garage into a panic room.

Then we moved in. A month passed. I asked, "Ready for the dog?"

"No."

"But that's what we agreed."

"You have to do a better job of taking care of your cat first."

My cat? My cat is like an aloof rodent. He could care less if I died—he'd probably gnaw at my corpse. In fact, when I was living in Brooklyn, my house was robbed twice! He was probably sitting there staring at the shadow of a potato bug while the burglar made off with my MacBook.

I feel conned. Matrimony is a shady discipline.

Well, luckily the Internet has a tool for me to channel my rage. Instant Jury is a new site that allows people to settle their disputes by having the public vote on who is right. At times, the site is buggy, but it's an excellent use of the Web to solve life's real problems. Think People's Court without the self-aggrandizing judge.

I was so inspired I decided to give it a go. After registering, I simply stated my case and what I'd like to win. An email then went to the defendant (aka my wife), who also had to register and state her argument. The case posted on the site, and it's now open to votes—yes, you can weigh in (though like in the real world, you need to register in order to vote).

Check out both sides of our dilemma. As the plaintiff, I think I have a good shot—an agreement is an agreement, right? As a husband, I hope she doesn't get mad at me...

Maybe I should open a separate case asking the public whether I'm p-whipped.

No, the truth would hurt.